The way we were supposed to be

And when the world was more of a wasteland for talented hippies and as each of them was struggling to make a name for themselves, I was a mere thought. A blurry impression of my mothers once idealistic mind. Now as I look back at my once trance like being I can't help but block out a scary concept. What if I was truly bound for greatness? Did Einstein perhaps wake up one stormy night and said to himself "hey I'm going to be famous watch out world!" Not that I want to be Einstein. I just can't believe I'd end up in this god forsaken rut....and no, the superiority complex has nothing to do with it.

The epitome of hopelessness. This paradigm is all too depressing. It definitely is sort of like a trap, a bottomless hole to be exact. I can run out of metaphors and I'd still be stuck.

And so what if I keep on ranting...I remembered an incident or was it a letter a long time ago that I made and prayed to God and said "make my ranting pleas make sense" and until now I still can't pinpoint it.

The more you get older the more you wither into the makings of being nothing. Whatever happened to having infinite dreams and pursuing your every hearts desire?

Whatever happened to the supposed me? Where is she now? What would my past life scold me this time for? I can hear it now... "this is not how it was supposed to end" Whatever... I am at a loss and I will fail some more that I am sure of and sooner or later it will just come to me... and then who knows?

Aug 27, 2002

Whatever happened to common decency?


And I thought I was slow...jeezzz. Do you always have to voice out pure and utter discomfort each time it arises? Doesn't everyone know that old phrase actions speak louder than words? Or do some stubborn individuals just think they live in such a perfect world that that phrase means ziltch to them? No comprende?

I thought so... Whatta life, the tugging of emotions verses the earth's gravity... and no it isn't remotely close to being an extraordinary phenomena however it is a downright travesty. No way can life ever be considered harmonious in every aspect. It's just sheer complicated with an enormous amount of difficult people. A waste of breathing space...honestly.

Aug 18,2002
the perils of working

and the question still remains... when did you become an adult...besides the fact that you incidentally were one your past life.. hopefully

don't you get some type of training for that besides being stuck in a school for half of your life with equally clueless individuals close to your age acting as if they woke up one day and suddenly decided they were an adult...duh! and you're expected to have your teachers as your supposed role models...puhleeze!!! clueless and even more clueless although with arguably more wrinkles just don't mix.

and now that ever faithful countdown of truth...

you know that you've had enough of you current job if:

* You wake up wishing to God that nightmare you had while sleeping never ended

* You look in the mirror and get depressed

* You open your closet and get even more depressed

* Your dog can sense your depression..yep, you're just a sniff away!

* Money doesn't even matter that much..and buming around never sounded so enticing

* You commute everyday wondering to yourself as you watch the classy chicks in their corporate attires and say to yourself
"now what on earth are they so happy about? bitch..."

* You walk towards your office buliding and soon realize you can actually turn the other way around, and stuggle you do
* You sit and wonder of all the wonderful memories...you'll be doing in the very near future

* You do your routine and then think about that ever constant question...now why am I doing this again?

* You can feel your muse suddenly getting tired of trying to shake you awake to smell the ghastly smell of "I GIVE UP!"

* You really don't care, don't give a damn, don't wanna analyze anything anymore

* and then you ask others just to make sense of it all...why am i doing this again?

there is still more, trust me...I'm not even remotely close to giving up...it is going to get worse...believe me

whatever's stirring inside of my unhappy being will soon rear it's ugly head and truthfully...i can't wait